Hey Assholes, No Vote is Ever Wasted

Sweet Lord, it's been way too long since we have added anything here. Being awesome takes up a lot of time, and in my case, it sometimes keeps me distracted. Well, have no fear - we're back!

Over the past several months, a lot has happened: ISIS/ISIL has taken over a large portion of Iraq, Scotland sadly did not vote in favor of independence from the UK, an Ebola outbreak started just in time for flu season sending everyone running for the nearest sterilized room, and the Republicans took control of the US Senate. Seats that should not have been won by the GOP were, or were damn close to being won.

Now, for those who have been reading our posts for a while, you know I lean libertarian. That does not mean however, that I always vote for a candidate from the Libertarian Party. I vote for whomever I feel is the best person for the job. Sometimes it is the third party candidate who gets my vote, however; a Republican or a Democrat can just as easily earn my vote if I believe they will best represent my views, and the district I reside in.

Currently, I live in northern Virginia and as such I had a choice this election to vote for the incumbent Mark Warner, who is a Democrat, the Republican candidate, Ed Gillespie, or Robert Sarvis, who ran as a Libertarian. Since there was no way in Hell I was going to vote for Warner, (Sen. Harry Reid had to be kicked out of his position as Senate Majority Leader), it was between Gillespie and Sarvis. In the end, Gillespie earned my vote because Sarvis, when he ran for governor of Virginia was possibly funded by Democrats and because I felt Gillespie was the best man for the job.

The votes were close between Warner and Gillespie, with Warner earning 1,071,282 votes, or, 49.16% of the total votes, and Gillespie earning 1,054,556 votes, or, 48.39% of the total votes cast. Less than 20,000 votes separated the two in a state President Obama defeated Gov. Romney by over 100,000 votes in the 2012 Presidential Election.

Ok, so what about Sarvis? How many votes did he earn? The Libertarian candidate received 53,396 votes, making some of the local radio personnel really, and I mean REALLY pissed off.

Every morning on my way into work I listen mainly to a radio show that deals with local, and national politics and has a pretty conservative slant to it. I listen to this particular station because the hosts are fairly entertaining and they have decent guests on during their program. The day after the election however, with Gillespie having lost, (he took a day or so to actually concede the election), the hosts sounded like whiny bitches, and when I say "bitches," I mean full on, head over their heels, whiny bitches.

While both hosts were complaining about the number of votes Sarvis earned from the voters, one in particular used his time on the radio to speak down to voters who called in stating why they voted for the Libertarian. "They wasted their vote," was a common theme and phrase used throughout the morning by the two radio hosts. The bigger of the two assholes would speak to their callers like he was a disapproving parent or teacher.

Sorry, dickhead, but we aren't your pupils, and we sure as hell aren't your kids. We are your listening public, and your show lives and dies from ads and ratings. Without listeners you get neither, and the way you acted on 5 November tells me you deserve neither.

No vote, and I mean NO vote that is cast is a wasted vote when the voter believes the candidate that receives their vote, earned it.

By now you may have noticed that I say votes are "earned," and that's because they are. No vote is deserved. I vote for the person who will best represent me in DC, or locally - it does not matter which party the candidate is affiliated with. Since I take a lot of time to be an educated voter, it really fucking pisses me off that some dipshits with a microphone think they can talk down to me and say I wasted my vote if I did not vote for who they supported.

Heeeey motherfuckers, this is America, land of the free, home of the brave. If you don't like voters having choices, or the whole voting process in general, I humbly suggest that you move to a country with an absolute monarchy - I hear Saudi Arabia is nice this time of year.

Bearders, and beardettes, voting is an important part of this country. It enables us to choose by popular vote, and the Electoral College during presidential elections, who represents us. If you feel that the person you vote for best represents you, it doesn't matter who you vote for. No vote cast is ever, and I mean EVER wasted.

Don't let turd-burglars let you think you wasted your vote because you voted for a third party or any other candidate for that matter that they did not support. I don't.

Point/Counterpoint: Open Carrying Rifles in Establishments

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BoF Stands Behind Professor Paul Roof

Bearders and beardettes, in a totally unchristian move this past week, Charleston Southern University, (CSU), sociology professor Paul Roof was apparently fired for something he could not control…the use of his likeliness.

For those of you unfamiliar with Paul, he sports an epic beard and moustache and is known throughout the competition circuit and is himself a champion of several of the events.

So why did he get fired? Well, back in 2013 he was photographed at an event in Las Vegas and after the image was used on promotional posters, Holy City Brewing used the image on the labels for their cans of Chucktown Follicle Brown beer. While Roof did not know his image would be placed on the side of cans, it did not deter the university, which is affiliated with the S.C. Baptist Convention, from firing Roof because in their words, the picture was “not an image for the Christian environment.” How very Christian of the university.

We could probably flip through the New Testament, and even probably the Old on too, and find several quotes from the real holy rollers on just how fucked up this is. Pictures are taken of us daily, and they aren’t always taken by those we know. Hell, at the park someone might take your picture unbeknownst to you and a few days later your face could be on a beer label of its own. Should you be fired from your job for this? We think not.

In light of this travesty, and to point out that what happened to Paul could happen to anyone, someone should start putting the image of CSU President Dr. Jairy C. Hunter Jr on random homemade products. They could start with a beer, (like our can above), and then move up the evolutionary product chain by making “JCH Dildos and Other Sex Toys.” We will then be able to see if the university really stands behind their views if they fire his ass too.

What happened to Paul Roof should be a reminder to us all that there are a lot of assholes out there who would rather remain blind to the fact that they are wrong. Paul Roof should be reinstated immediately to his former position at CSU, (if he wants it), and the administration of the university should line up and kiss his ass while asking for his forgiveness.

When Home, Bergdahl Will Have Some Explaining to Do

It’s been a while since I have written anything here, so, yesterday when I heard that Army SGT Bowe Bergdahl was released into US custody by the Taliban in a prisoner exchange, I finally got the itch to write again.

While it must be a great feeling for his family to know that he is finally coming home after five years in captivity, when he does get back to the states and Army personnel get a chance to talk to him, questions must be asked and he must provide the answers to them.

First up, how the hell was he caught in the first place? It has been long reported and thought that then PFC Bergdahl may have walked off the base on his own, for an unknown reason. Maybe he wanted to hitchhike home, or perhaps he was tricked into leaving by a local national. Who knows? Bowe knows, and he must thoroughly explain how he left.

Did he tell his captors anything, and if so, what? Taliban personnel cut the heads off their own people, so, what was so special about him? Sure, Bergdahl is an American, and to the Taliban that is worth something, however, was he really worth toting around for five years, hiding and feeding him, if Bowe himself wasn’t “feeding” them anything? Who knows? Bergdahl’s higher-ups should soon.

With whom does his allegiance lie with now? Sorry, but it has to be asked. Since yesterday several of my military friends have brought up the HBO show “Homeland” and how his release reminds them of the show. Apparently on the show a Marine was captured, then released eight years later, only to find that he is now a terrorist and he tries to kill our vice president. #spoileralert. The Army needs to know what effect five years of captivity had on him. We must not have any more Nidal Hasan type events occurring on our bases.

Who did we release to get him back? Hopefully no one we will see on the nightly news in the future concerning a terrorist attack against us.

The unfortunate thing about all this is that while these questions should be asked, whether or not they actually are asked is a different story because unfortunately, these questions aren’t “politically correct.” Well, sorry, but I don’t care. I was deployed to Iraq when Bergdahl was taken by the Taliban and after seeing in the news that he may walked off on his own, I have always lacked pity for him.

If then PFC Bergdahl truly did walk off his base on his own he needs to be held accountable through a court martial, and if found guilty, sentenced to time in a military prison for desertion and knocked down to the Army’s lowest rank.

Think that is harsh, well, how many millions of US dollars do you think have been spent on recovering Bergdahl? Were any US military personnel killed in missions to find him? If he did desert, were their deaths, or the money spent, really worth getting him back? I know I wouldn’t trade the lives of any of my Marine friends for someone who deserted.

So, there you have it, my thoughts on the release of SGT Bowe Bergdahl. I really hope he was captured kicking and screaming and had to be silenced somehow to get him off his base, and if that was how it happened, I will admit I am wrong. There is probably a 110% chance he is going to get a book deal and a movie, (I am thinking a Lifetime made for TV movie), deal out of this. Hopefully, these deals won’t be going to a deserter.

Should the Government Give Me Pussy Payments?

So much talk lately about the economy. Raise the minimum wage! The Government needs to bail out (fill in the blank) business! This got me thinking about women.

You see, the most attractive women I can get with rate about a six on a scale of ten. What do you think that does to my self-esteem?

The majority of women out there don’t even want to fuck me. It’d be nice to have sex with more women.

So, I think the government should force six different women who would be considered an eight out of ten to have sex with me five times a week.

Sound stupid? I don’t think so.

Gagging on Gaga?

Meat dresses, giant hair, masks, and bile. What do they all have in common? If you said something that Lady Gaga worn, you would be correct.  I'm sure most have heard already, but, last week during a concert Lady Gaga had a "vomit painter" puke green paint all over her during the show.  Ah yes, vomit painting.  Bulimic beauty.  Nothing says expression like shoving your fingers down your throat and emptying
the contents of your stomach all over something.  Yes, Lady Gaga is at it again with her antics.

Lady Gaga is actually very talented in staying in the media spotlight.  She has a great method.  Drop album, make crazy music video, do something outlandish.  It gets views. It keeps people interested even if it's not always in a positive way.  Any news is good news right?  I'm all about performers putting on great shows but when does it go from being a great performance and focusing on music to just pulling a stunt.  In this day and age shock value is almost a legitimate product though.  I guess Gaga will be Gaga after all.

Now let's focus on the actual performance.  It happened when Lady Gaga performed her song "Swine".  It started off rather normal for a Lady Gaga song but partway through it a girl that originally looked like an awkward background dancer, wearing what looked like discount Hot Topic attire and electrical tape, drank a pint of green paint and proceeded to throat-bang herself with her fingers.  As she continued to finger-fuck her throat she moved closer to Lady Gaga and delivered the recently ingested paint all over the front of Lady Gaga.  Voila!  A masterpiece!  I'm sure this was supposed to have some sort of really deep meaning, however, it really resembled something out of The Exorcist or maybe some goop from that green Slimer guy from Ghostbusters.  Instead of calling Father Merrin to perform an exorcism though, both women climb onto a giant mechanical pig.  While riding this giant porcine contraption the vomit painter continued to gag all over Gaga.  Lady Gaga would later refer to this as "art in it's purest form".  If this is art, then every college frat bathroom is a fucking Guggenheim.  Seriously, what's next, shit art?  Take some Ex-Lax and blow your ass out all over a blank canvas and say it's representing something from your soul instead of something from your sphincter? "I poured my soul into this!"  No, you poured your ass onto it.

This is why I have trouble getting into a lot of art these days.  Covering yourself in paint and rolling around doesn't make you a genius, it just makes you a sticky mess.  Puking all over a canvas or a shock-pop artist doesn't make you a visionary, it just makes you a calorie deficient moron with bad breath.  Scribbling chalk all over a chalkboard doesn't make you any type of artist, it just makes you a lazy asshole.  I've seen far better art in my local comic store but nobody is sitting around going "Oh my god it's so deep and meaningful" even though it takes many more hours to create than the aforementioned "masterpieces" and actual thought and skill.  Why?  Probably because who it's created by and created for, aren't pretentious douchebags.  Also Gaga should wake up and realize that most of her fans don't care for her messages...whatever those may be, they only care that her songs are catchy.  "Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah Roma-roma-mamaa Ga-ga-ooh-la-la" is about as deep as a pee drip.  Leave the meaning and messages to those not covered in regurgitated Dutch Boy.

Benefits for All, or Benefits for None

About two weeks ago a judge in Virginia, my current place of residence, ruled the state’s ban on gay marriage to be unconstitutional, and then immediately put an injunction on her own ruling due to probable appeals. While Rob and I have stated we don’t care what two consensual adults do with one another in the bedroom on our Facebook page, we have not written anything for the blog, so I thought I would stand atop my virtual soapbox and give you my two cents, which here, due to inflation it is really worth about a nickel.

When it comes to social issues, specifically ones dealing with issues concerning straights and gays, it is normally on religious grounds that people are not for gay marriages, gay adoptions, and gay (fill in the blank). So, to get the religious aspect out of the way first, I will be up front and say I am a Catholic who converted from the Baptist religion over 13 years ago. As a Catholic I support the Church’s opinion that marriage is a religious pact between a man, a woman and God. But you know what? When it comes to our government, religious beliefs should have no part when it comes to making laws. So why do they?

For those of you reading this who think states should be allowed to keep two men or two women from getting married, why is that? If you don’t think a gay marriage should be recognized, why should a state or our government recognize straight marriages? There is no reason, or excuse to recognize one, without recognizing the other, and vice versa.

Many believe that gay marriage is a civil right, and after thinking long and hard on this, I have to say that I agree that is it. Gay men and women can no more change their sexual preference than an African American their color, and the way I see it, we are about 50 years behind in helping the gay community get the rights it deserves.

Oh, you think gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage? Bitch please, assholes like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Brittney Spears and Jason Alexander, Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra, Mario Lopez and Ali Landry, Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley, and Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, and many more already did that.

The divorce rate in the US hovers around the 50% mark, so it’s not just the celebrities who are working hard to screw things up. So why then deny two loving people the right to get married? Who knows, maybe the divorce rate will go down, at least for a bit until gay couples find out marriage may not be all that it’s thought to be, (I will add though that my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last year and they are as happy as can be, but sadly long, successful (they made me right?) marriages such as theirs are the exception to the rule nowadays).

Even still, the real reason two loving people should be able to get married is because everyone should have a right to get the same benefits straights are provided. Why should straights get benefits from the government if gays cannot? I say, if you want your state to be able to keep a ban on gay marriage, then straight couples should not be able to get benefits either. A husband should not be able to name his wife a beneficiary or name them their power of attorney in case of a medical emergency if a man cannot name his male partner the same.

Think states aren’t anti-gay? Well, did you know that 16 states still have anti-sodomy laws on their books, and two of them, Oklahoma and Texas, (go figure), specifically target the gay community? It was 17 a few weeks ago, with three states targeting gays specifically, however, the state of Kansas recently had their law thrown out, and I am very proud to say that a college friend of mine wrote the brief for the state arguing the law should be repealed. To read decision of the Court, go here: Kansas v. Franco.

This is a hot issue and quite frankly, if you disagree with me, I hope it pisses you off. We don’t beat around the bushes at Beards of Fury, we plow through them. There is no reason whatsoever from the standpoint of the federal or any state’s government that two consensual adults should not be able to get the same rights offered others.

Three Things My Mental Illness Has Taught Me about People without a Mental Illness

I guess the cat’s out of the bag (I wonder where that expression came from?). Some of you knew. Some of you may have suspected. Some you knew something just wasn’t quite right, but couldn’t put your finger on it. Having borderline personality disorder (BPD) isn’t exactly fun. In a nutshell, people with BPD “feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer” than others; there are impulsive behaviors that vary between people with BPD (mine are reckless spending and alcohol abuse, just to name two); there’s also the fear of adornment and rejection; a feeling of emptiness; dissociation; and self-harm. Between the suicide attempts and failed relationships with friends, family, and significant others, I have learned at least three things about how others perceive me (and, of course, those with BPD and other mental illnesses).

One: Having BPD (or any other mental illness) is the only disease where you can get yelled at for having. If you learn a family member, friend, or significant other had cancer, odds are you wouldn’t yell at them and tell them to buck up. Not so with BPD. I’ve been yelled at numerous times, by people who know what I suffer from, to stop acting the way I do; I need to “suck it up,” and “get over it.” Here’s a newsflash: if I could “suck it up,” and “get over it,” I wouldn’t have a mental illness. Yes, everybody gets depressed; however, normal people can get over it, quickly. To skip all the science stuff, my brain is not “wired” like a normal person’s.

Two: People with BPD are manipulative, selfish, dicks. I’m just going to let Melissa Valliant, editor-in-chief of HellaWella, address this one. Go ahead Melissa.

“The idea that people suffering from BPD are selfish, manipulative jerks has probably evolved from those who have been hurt by loved ones with BPD. Recent studies have concluded that people with BPD either have a distorted sense of generally accepted social norms, or that they may not sense these norms at all, according to PsychCentral.com. This leads to behaving in ways that negatively impact trust and cooperation with others.

“BPD sufferers also have difficulty seeing gray areas and tend to perceive everything as black and white, good or bad — which, as you can imagine, causes challenges in communication. People in relationships with people with BPD often feel manipulated, taken advantage of or controlled due to such BPD-typical behavior as ‘threats, no-win situations, the “silent treatment,” rages and other methods [the non-BPD sufferer] views as unfair,’ according to BPDCentral.com.

“It’s important to understand that this is not intentional. BPD sufferers are often terrified of losing the loved ones in their lives; their irrational behavior is usually an act of desperation and impulsiveness stemming from the fear of abandonment. BPDCentral suggests it’s a ‘desperate attempt to cope with painful feelings or to get their needs met without the aim of harming others.’”

Three: It’s OK to label me as crazy and completely decide I should no longer be in your social circle. Now, really, who’s selfish? Ninety-nine percent of my “friends,” some of my family members, and others who fall into a different category of relationships, decided to do just what people with BPD fear: abandon them. Then have the nerve to say, “What’s his problem?” And they can totally blame it on “craziness.” No need to understand. It’s easier to just cut the cord. If I suffered from, say, testicular cancer, and these people did that, they would be the ones society looked down on. But, since I’m “crazy,” they made a good decision to keep me and my “negativity” out of their life, and, most likely, tell everybody how nuts I am, how selfish I am, how manipulative I am, and how much of an ass I am.

Are there more things I learned about people and how they view me? Of course. But, these are the three things I wanted to address. Now, I’m certain people will be upset at me for writing this, thinking I’m trying to do them harm; I’m not. Believe it or not, BPD, and other forms of depression, are quite common. Hell, you could have it and not know it, or somebody you now may have it. Or now you suspect they have it. What needs to happen is to have these myths and stereotypes debunked. I think that can only happen by talking about it. I wish I could “get over it,” and have a relationship where it doesn’t look like I’m treating the person “unfairly.” If it doesn’t get out there, you’ll have people end up like me: feeling worthless, empty, abandoned, never leaving your house and mixing with society because you know that, even though you don’t mean to, they think you’re hurting them and you just don’t want to do that to people.

Crapital City Traffic

It's not just bad decisions that come out of DC, it's also bad drivers.  Anybody that's driven in the Beltway knows what I'm talking about.  The Washington, DC metropolitan area has some of the worst drivers and worst traffic in the nation.  According to recent studies it actually tops the list for both.

In 2013, DC ranked at the bottom of All State's best drivers report for the sixth year in a row.  The likelihood of a DC driver getting into an accident is more than twice that of the national average.  Nearby Baltimore had the second worst drivers in the nation.  Since both DC and Baltimore drivers share some of the same roads, it makes for a dangerous concoction.  It's like trying to swim in a small pool with two of the worst swimmers in the world. They're going to thrash around and put everyone else at risk or at a minimum be a complete goddamn nuisance.  It should also be noted that though the DC area prides itself on its education systems and intellectual denizens, these same denizens scored the lowest in the country on the 2011 GMAC Insurance National Drivers Test with one in three drivers failing the test.  That's right, one in three DC drivers don't know what the hell they're doing behind the wheel.

Now that we've covered just how bad the drivers in DC are, let's get into how bad the traffic is.  It can best be described with one word, abysmal.  According to a study done by the Texas A&M Transportation Institute, Washington, DC has the worst commute in the country.  Now of course many LA drivers won't believe this because they believe all trends, including traffic, originated in California and New Yorkers won't believe it because they're stuck on believing that everything is bigger in NYC and that it's #1 in everything.  However the numbers are against our larger city friends, with DC drivers having an average of 67 hours annually in delay as opposed to 61 hours in LA and 59 hours in New York.  These numbers are probably due to the ill planned roads, speed limits so low they're designed for the cast of the Golden Girls (is Betty White the only one still living?) and the terrible drivers that lack the ability to drive under any adverse weather conditions.

Now I've compiled a list of terrible driving practices that are common in the DC area and what can be done about them.

1. Driving slow in the left lane.  If you want to drive at geriatric speeds, get your slow ass over to the right lane.  There is no reason the left lane should be moving at the same speed as the person to their right.  It's not meant for five under. As a matter of fact neither is the right lane since the posted speed limit is safe and LEGAL for you to travel at, so there is no reason to be below it if your car is functioning properly or there isn't a real weather hazard. GET YOUR ASSES MOVING.

2. Slowing down to merge.  It is absolutely possible to merge lanes without dropping 15mph.  It may seem like a daunting task but your car easily moves to the side while going at the same speed. Try it sometime.

3. Pulling out in front of traffic and going at a much slower speed.  It doesn't take a physicist to understand that if you pull out in front of someone going 55mph and you go 35mph they're either going to put their engine in your backseat or have to slam on their brakes.  Since you don't seem to be in much of a hurry anyway, how about just wait for them to pass then pull out.

4. Stopping on an on-ramp instead of just yielding.  Ok, so you've got a degree from Georgetown. That's great, now learn the definition of yield, dipshit.  If you need to get up to speed with the traffic on the highway, coming to a complete damn stop isn't your best option.

5. Cutting across three lanes to get to your next turn.  This one comes in two forms.  While traveling and while at a stop.  The "while traveling" can happen when some idiot realizes his exit to the right is about four car lengths away and he is been driving along in the left lane, probably 5mph below the limit, and he decides he needs to make that turn now and zips in front of three other cars.  Since he didn't check his blind-spots during this sweet maneuver, he either gets smashed by someone two lanes over or he causes them to break hard.  Sometimes these people try this while pulling out of a parking lot.  The other way this happens is from a stop.  An idiot in the left lane realizes "Oh I actually wanted to turn right at this stop" so he just cuts in front of everybody to make the right turn.  Often times he gets in the way of the intersection and traffic or just causes a complete nuisance for the guy who's turning right from the actual right-turn lane. Way to go, asshole! Next time pay attention to where you need to turn or take the next exit.

6. Hazards on during snow. This strange phenomenon where most of the people in the area can't drive with a drip of precipitation on the roads only gets worse when half of them put their hazards on.  It makes for a sea of flashing lights.  An epileptic's nightmare.  Oh you're experiencing snow? No shit, we all are! Now turn your stupid hazards off and just drive with caution.

7. Hazards on while on the cellphone.  I've seen this one a number of times and at first I thought maybe the people were calling AAA, which would make sense and be a totally acceptable behavior.  Then I'll notice them put the phone down, turn hazards off and drive at a normal speed.  Hazard lights aren't there for you to say "Time out from normal driving. I'm on the phone".  Put the phone down if you can't multitask and call after you reach your destination.  On the phone with a loved one?  Drive at a normal speed and you'll get to see them that much sooner.

8. Hazards on and parked in a fire lane.  Another hazards abuse? Seriously?  I've been all over the country and the DC area is the only one where people have an issue with parking in the actual parking spots of a lot.  Instead these lazy assholes pull up to the store in the fire lane, throw the hazards on and run inside.  The sign clearly says "No Parking Fire Lane" not "No Parking, Unless You're in a Hurry."  These idiots end up congesting the traffic going past the store.  You can easily pull your car the two feet away to the designated parking spots.  It's not far and that's what it's there for.  Those big yellow or white grids painted on the ground with conveniently sized sections are for your car, it's not from some graffiti artist with an obsession for grids tagging every parking lot in America.  Park your damn car in the right spot, asshole.

9. Slowing to below the speed limit when you see a cop.  Ever get pulled over and have the cop ask you "Why were you going the speed limit?" Me neither.  So why the F are you slowing down to below the limit when you see a cop?  You won't get pulled over for going 45mph in a 45mph zone.  That's like being afraid a cop is going to get you for shoplifting after he watches you purchase an item. Wouldn't make sense now would it?  The same goes for the speed limit but for some reason every waste of oxygen that sees a police car slams on his brakes and goes below the limit.  This especially goes for people slowing down when they see a cop on the other side of the highway.  You have multiple lanes of traffic and a concrete barrier between you and the cop so you're going to slam on your brakes?  Is he a goddamn Decepticon? Is his car going to sprout legs and leap over the concrete barrier to get to you?  No?  Then stop slamming on your brakes, genius.

10. Cyclists.  While I commend people for wanting to be healthy or green, I don't commend the way many of them take the amount of space that they do.  You're literally on the thinnest vehicle around yet you are all over the road half the time.  Most of the cyclists I've seen are rather skinny people so why do they insist on taking up room like they have the lats of a damn gorilla?  Stay on the edge of the road or in those designated bike lanes that the yuppy areas have built into their roads.  You're on a bike, don't act like you're in a monster truck.

How Republicans can “Repeal” Obamacare

I recently saw an article on Yahoo! News in which Jay Carney, the president’s press secretary, says Obamacare is worth losing the Senate to Republicans. I say “saw” because I didn’t read it; I didn’t want to. What could possibly be in the article that’s worth my time? Nothing. However, this brings me to the Republican controlled House of Representatives. They claim Obamacare is unconstitutional and that they want to repeal it, but it won’t go over so well in the Democratic controlled Senate, leaving such a law repealing Obamacare dead. Well, good news Republicans in the House (yes, I’m talking specifically to you from here on out).

You see, you can “repeal” Obamacare. And it’s all legal like. As the tenth Amendment Center pointed out, Article 1, Section 7, of the Constitution requires all revenue for bills to be raised by the House. What does this mean for you? You, the House, control the purse strings to fund government as you see fit. James Madison, the guy Americans credit as writing the Constitution, states in Federalist 58: “The House of Representatives cannot only refuse, but they alone can propose, the supplies requisite for the support of government.” You see, Republicans in the House? You hold a majority in the House. You can choose not to fund Obamacare, and watch it die a slow, painful Constitutional death.

The Tenth Amendment Center reminds us that Article 1, Section 9, is “explicit that any time money needs to be draw from the treasury, it has to be done subject to appropriation law.” Again, Republicans that control the House, don’t fund the darn thing.

As a side note, notice what Madison was saying in Federalist 58: the House can refuse to fund not only unconstitutional laws, but constitutional laws as well. Keep that in your back pocket.

So, Republicans that control the House, why are y’all not doing this? Nobody can ever really know what goes on in a person’s head, but I have a few reasons why y’all are not doing this: you truly have no idea what’s in, or what is intended, in the Constitution; you don’t want to look like you “hate the poor;” thus, you don’t want to repeal Obamacare per se, but create your own version of unconstitutional government controlled health care and say, “See? Look how much we care,” a la Mitt in the photo above.

Proper Cell Phone Etiquette for the Socially Impaired

Am I beating a dead horse here? Stop me if you’ve heard this one.

An old man walks into a theater. He’s there with his wife and they’re waiting for their perpetually-late adult son to show up to the outing. This Old Codger, he’s the type of guy that doesn’t take any shit from anyone. A real man’s man if you ask me. So he’s sitting two-thirds of the way up in the middle, primo seating. It’s a good thing he got there early. The previews start and he’s excited to see this film he’s heard so much about. He heard it was nominated for some awards. This asshole in front of Old Codger, though, he’s been texting away and talking loudly to his wife. So Old Codger politely asks Mr. Asshole to be quiet and put away his phone. One thing leads to another and BAM there’s one less Mr. Asshole in the world. Do you get it?

It seems to be the lament of every comedian, but few people are truly getting the message, so let me put it simply for you: Put away your goddamn phone.

These days, we seem to be transfixed by glowing screens, by the omnipresent Bright-and-Shiny. We’ll be in the presence of friends, of family, of a hot date. And hey, doesn’t this food look delicious—I’d better post a pic of it to my Instagram! Can you believe that guy in the car in front of me?—I’d better tweet about it, that’ll show him! I saw this awesome video the other day—I’d better interrupt everyone’s conversation to show them the video now!

Stop. Just stop.

Did that guy in the theater in Florida deserve to get shot? Probably not, but let’s be honest here, I’m glad he did. Perhaps he’ll serve as the poster child for improper cell phone use. Maybe all of the other Mr. Assholes of the world will think twice before whipping out their cell phone at inopportune times. That Old Codger who’s getting charged for second degree murder, he’s a martyr, really. He sacrificed himself for the good of humankind.

There’s a reason that every theater in America reminds you to silence and put away your phone, usually multiple times. It’s because that bright-ass LED and any noise you make with your greasy lips and pudgy fingers is distracting to moviegoers. Respect the $30+ I spent for this outing, Mr. Asshole.

There’s also a reason that there are laws in many states banning cell phone use while on an active motorway. Yes, “active motorway” includes while you’re at a stoplight. If you’re texting, talking on your phone without using a hands-free device, or reading your Facebook feed while you’re driving, you’re not devoting 100% of your attention to making sure you don’t kill a couple kids on your way to work. Have you forgotten that you’re operating a two-ton death machine? If you’re distracted when the light turns green, then you are not ready to move immediately, significantly delaying me getting to the theater to spend $30+. Every few seconds of delay at that light is another car you trapped by the upcoming red light. Plus, if you’re just now realizing that the light is green, you haven’t sufficiently checked to make sure there aren’t any errant children in your peripheral. If you’re out to dinner with a loved one, then every time you separate yourself from their presence by looking into your phone, you’re isolating and alienating them. You’re casting them away from you. You are choosing your online presence, or your friends who are not present, over the ones who are. You’re pissing everyone the fuck off. Who knows if the guy behind you is just another Old Codger who’s at his wit’s end with Mr. Assholes like you? Who knows if he’s got a gun? BAM, one less Mr. Asshole.

Now, here’s the thing: I’m just as addicted to social media as most people. Everyone likes being the center of attention, at least every once in a while. That’s why we take selfies, why we gripe about our day online, why we feel the need to announce to our entire network of friends, family and associates the minutiae of our lives. We feel that we’re important, that we’re all beautiful, interesting, unique snowflakes and everyone is interested in what we’re doing right now. But there’s a time and place for everything. Wait until you get home. Ask to be excused and step out if that text or phone call is so important. Nobody really cares that much about your life. If you are really that concerned about social interaction, then live in the moment and not through an LED screen. And for the love of God, put away your damn phone.

Toms + Wedges = Garbage

A few weeks ago I was at a bar, drinking and collecting a sizable amount of froth in my mustache when I noticed something that turned my stomach.  Toms wedges. I literally almost lost my Smithwick's.

For those of you that may not know what Toms wedges are, I shall explain so you can understand my disgust. 1. Wedge: a raised shoe heel where the heel and the sole form a solid block. Basically a high heel that has been filled in. They're like the training wheel of heels. They sound like hooves during steps and, like gingers, they're attractive at a rate of about one in ten. Basically, they suck. 2. Toms: a shoe with the alpargata design or in other words made of canvas or cloth.  Imagine cutting your pockets out of your pants and making them into shoes.  Basically they suck.  Now you see why I was disturbed by this sight.  An unsexy heel coming together with a flimsy cloth shoe in an unholy union to create possibly the most unsexy thing since Crocs.  So ugly, it's criminal.

Now some people may say I'm being a bit harsh because Toms give to charity.  Yes, it's true that for every shoe sold, Toms donates a shoe to a child in an impoverished country.  My question is, if I was an impoverished child would I want a crappy cloth shoe or would I want maybe a nice meal and some medical care?  Not to mention if I'm living in an area that probably doesn't have the best paved roads as well as other hazards to my feet, do I want to cover them in canvas pieces of crap or would I like something more durable?

 It's as if Toms is doing everything to make footwear unsexy. It's a trend that hopefully doesn't spread and start ruining classics like the hooker boot. Thankfully for now it seems isolated to "conscious" yuppies and quasi-hipsters in skinny jeans.  Oh did I mention Toms also sells eyewear?  They use a portion of eyewear profits to restore and save eyesight in people in developing countries.  Really though, I think it's part a sick diabolical plan to restore their sight so they have to be subjected to witnessing these horribly ugly shoes because honestly when I see them, I begin to envy the blind.

Is Paper Money Constitutional?

If you know Rob Faust, you would describe him as a man who’s deeply twisted, an aficionado of adult films, and has warped views of women. However, if you really know Rob Faust, you would also describe him in the same way, but add he’s extremely intelligent on U.S. history, the Constitution, and libertarian philosophy. So, when he says, in polite conversation as he’s wont to do, that the U.S. dollar, and all paper money in general in the U.S., is unconstitutional, he’s 100% correct.

You see, at the conventions where men gathered together to increase the size and power of government (sorry, but that’s exactly what they were doing when they decided to scrap the Articles of Confederation and create the Constitution), they had some worries, one of them the danger of paper money, commonly called Bills of Credit because the paper was unbacked by gold. During the War for Independence, the U.S. financed the war with paper money; after the war, the State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations (if you’re ever playing Trivial Pursuit and asked, “What’s the state with the longest name in the Union?” that’s the answer) was issuing paper money like it was going out of style. The result was hyperinflation in both instances. In 1779, the Continental, as the paper money was called, was worth a penny, and George Washington wrote, “A wagon load of money will scarcely purchase a wagon load of provisions.” Hence the term “not worth a Continental.” In Rhode Island’s case, the paper money was so worthless, nobody wanted to trade with the damn place.

Having first-hand knowledge of the economic danger of paper money, these founders decided to eliminate it from their new country. Thus, the constitution states the following: “No State shall… coin Money; emit Bills of Credit; make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts…”

As far as the federal government itself, it has the power to coin money, not print money. The federal government can create gold and silver coins, not print paper. Now, you may say, “Sergio, the Constitution says states can’t emit Bills of Credit or make paper money tender; it doesn’t say the federal government can’t.” That’s correct; however, look at the Tenth Amendment: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” Nowhere in the Constitution does it give the power to issue Bills of Credit, or accept anything other than gold or silver as tender to the federal government. Therefore, paper money is forbidden in these United States by the states themselves and the federal government.

As you can see, the founders knew the economic consequences of paper money. Paper money creates the boom bust cycle. Sure, expanding the money supply unbacked by an actual good (gold is a physical good) creates an economic boom, but the expansion also creates the bust, as there is not enough of the good (gold) to redeem when people want it. And let’s not forget hyperinflation. Knowing all this, the founders made paper money illegal. Look at the U.S. dollar today created by the bank known as the Federal Reserve. Do you really think all the paper money in circulation today is backed by all the gold in Fort Knox? If you do, then you must think my studio apartment is a mansion.

Schools Don't Need Junk Food

Over the past five, going on six years, I think it is fair to say I have not agreed much with President Obama's policies, in fact, I cannot really think of one off the top of my head, save for ending DADT, that really pleased me. On the other hand, his wife Michelle has pushed for something that I wholeheartedly support - healthier school lunches.

Through her campaign, "Let's Move," Mrs. Obama has been trying to curb childhood obesity through healthy meals and exercise. Part of this campaign includes "Chefs Move to Schools," which involves professional chefs volunteering some time to work with students and train school workers in the kitchen on how to make healthier meals.

Now, why would someone like me, a staunch supporter of small government, support such an endeavor? Simple, I don't want my tax dollars and healthcare premiums going up because your lazy kid needs insulin for their preventable diabetes. Kids don't need vending machines with sodas or candy bars, they need sports or some other after school activity that does not involve holding a video game controller and healthy meals. And schools have an obligation to see to it that they offer them. And if you don't believe me, you should have watched the latest episode of "Opposite Worlds" on Syfy - the professional gamer got her ass kicked in the elimination challenge that involved physical activity costing her a chance to win $100,000.

What really pisses me off about school dietary plans is what they get away with. As far as nutrition goes, they can count tomato paste as a vegetable and potatoes in on the nutritional side. Sounds ok, right? Well, what are they used for? Tomato paste is used to top greasy pizzas, and potatoes get made into French fries, mmm, more grease.

Oh, your little Johnny won't eat healthy food? Fuck that, Johnny will eat what you tell him to. Of course, if mom and dad define "family meal time" as a trip to a fast food drive thru, can we really expect kids to choose mixed vegetables over a corn dog? Probably not.

I heard a great point be made by either a local political pundit, or a friend the other day concerning the fast food employees wanting $15 an hour, bear with me, I promise I can connect the two issues. People who rely on fast food restaurants to provide sustenance for their families are usually poor, ergo, they buy processed burgers and mechanically separated "chicken" instead of fresh food from the grocery store because it is cheaper, and really, who can blame them for making their paychecks last longer? Well, if we were to pass laws making the minimum wage $15 an hour for burger flippers prices at fast food joints will go up - a lot, making fresh grocery store foods cheaper in comparison, (at least artificially due to inflated prices at the fast food joints and mentally in the minds of conscientious shoppers). While I do not support a $15 an hour minimum wage for people who ask me if I "want fries with that," it undeniably would have some benefits for people looking for an excuse to go to Wegmans instead of Wendy's. Hell, even the asinine firearms bill Obama tried to get passed included reciprocity throughout the US for concealed carry permit holders...but I digress.

So, how do they fit together? Raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour at fast food joints, people will stop going to them, parents will start making healthier meals for their kids and your little Johnny won't wrinkle his nose at school when he sees cauliflower instead of cheese fries. There really is no intelligent reason not to get rid of junk foods and soda machines from public schools. While it may cost a little more to get things rolling, the money saved by not becoming one of Wilford Brimley's diabetic friends will surely pay off the difference.

Besides, kids go to school to learn and think right? How can they with caffeine and saturated fat rushing through them?

BoF is Now on Twitter and Instagram!

Bearders and beardettes, at the start of the year we said there would be some upgrades to the BoF blog, Facebook page, and BoF in general. Well, today marks the beginning of noticeable improvements. You can now follow us on both Twitter and Instagram.

We chose to dive into the world of these mediums because sometimes we see something that is notable, but maybe not article worthy. Also, since new articles here at www.beardsoffury.com can can a while to write, we figured we can connect with you, our fans more often via Twitter and Instagram.

Here are our Twitter and Instagram accounts and we will be adding links to them in the right border of the page soon:

Twitter: @beards_of_fury

Instagram: beards_of_fury

Since we are new to both of these things, it should be a fun learning process. We promise there will be no Tweeting of BoF Balls in the style of Congressman Weiner's Tweets. So, follow us and help us make them successful.

Imports, Exports, and Trade: Oh, My!

We here at Beards of Fury have our fans. On a different note, the country is full of citizens who don’t quite understand economics. And it’s also full of people who really don’t understand international trade. There are people who think mercantilism, where buying locally, or only American, where exports are preferred over exports and money is kept locally, brings about the wealth of the nation, even though Adam Smith debunked that idea way back in 1776. So, when fans ask for some knowledge, they get it. Here, I present to you, what really goes on with international trade.

Imports always equal exports: Sometimes people hear the phrase “negative trade balance.” This means we, as a country, import more than we export. Because the word “negative” is in there, people think it must be bad.  However, here’s the thing: imports equal exports, and vice versa. You see, when you want that new TV built in China, you pay with American dollars. The Chinese can’t pay their workers in our currency, nor taxes, or purchase local goods and services. So, they turn around and buy American products. Or, they may invest in American businesses, allowing the company to pay workers or purchase capital. That’s why we see a “negative trade balance;” the government doesn’t record the investment, but either way the money comes back to us. Imports always equal exports.

Buying locally has unintended consequences: The phrases “buy locally” and “buy American” are heard time and again. Why? Because mercantilists think wealth is obtained by keeping money in the country and grows an economy. But, if you think about it, if every country believes exports should exceed imports, and buy local, then nobody’s exporting anything, completely defeating the policy. If you think about even more, “buy American” is no different from “buy Chattanooga” or “buy Tennessee.” If the climate isn’t right and the land not suitable for producing oranges, thus making them expensive anywhere in Tennessee, but the reverse in Florida, then buying oranges from Florida leaves you with more money. To buy more stuff. Meaning you have more wealth. As Lew Rockwell says about the people who push to buy local: “Actually, what they are doing is raising the prices of consumer products, harming opportunity for workers to find good employment, hindering growth of economies in the developing world, and inadvertently serving as foot soldiers for the mercantile interest groups that seek to shield themselves from more efficient but foreign competitors.” The unintended consequences abound when you “buy local.”

Free trade is freedom: If you’re free, that means you make choices (whether they’re intelligent choices is not a matter of economics or politics). When you’re told what you can buy, where you can buy it, and at what price you will buy it means you’re not free. If Japan makes, in my opinion, better and cheaper widgets, then the government has no business telling me I cannot buy them. Now, the devil’s advocate may say, “You’re free to buy from anyone, anywhere.” Well, when the government puts quotas and tariffs on foreign goods, raising their prices, meaning the American version, which was more expensive is now cheaper, means the government is giving you the illusion of choice. Why does the government get a say in how I shop?

International trade is not complex. Is there more to this international trade? Yes, but what you just read is international trade in a nutshell. In fact, the word “international” is not needed. Trade is trade. Whether it’s with the butcher in your city, the mall in the next county, the theme park in the next state, or the business in a different country. Erase all of those borders in your mind and find the product you want at a price you like.

US Citizens Owe Veterans Nothing

Well, do I have your attention? Good, because first off, I want to point out I am a veteran of the Marine Corps and deployed twice to Iraq and once to Afghanistan - in fact all of us who write for Beards of Fury are vets. That being said, do I want anything from it? No, I do not. Sadly however, many of my fellow vets feel they are entitled to being worshiped and having their asses kissed by their fellow Americans - and to me that's pathetic.

Do I seem pissed? Awesome, because I am. It's 2:15 in the fucking morning and instead of looking at naked pics of women or watching a rerun of "Top Chef," I am ranting about a hopefully small group of fellow vets, or at least I hope it's a small group. I had planned on writing about something different for today - my mock "Interview with President Obama," but alas, that will have to wait for another day. How did this all start? Easy, one of my best friends tagged me in a debate he was having in a Facebook thread. My friend leans left, so we don't always agree when it comes to politics, but when someone questions his patriotism, and love for his country just because he may not agree with the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, that's when blood is thicker than water, and I get pissed. The exact quote from one particular piece of shit was: "People like me have sacrificed a lot so jerks like you can say the most vulgar, and evil things about my fellow soldiers. Each and EVERY response proves that you and all those who marched in protest of the troops hate America it's [sic] Constitution, and those who defend it! Spin that as much as you think you can, but scum like you only breath [sic] free air becaose [sic] of soldiers like me!"

Wow. People like the dipshit I just quoted make me want to support the pro-choice movement or at least sterilization. This guy actually thinks he is entitled to shit because he thinks he is King Shit! In reality, he is a sad specimen of a human being in dire need of a dictionary and Phonics book.

When I returned home from my deployments did people in my hometown pat me on the back, give me hugs or buy me drinks or dinner? Yes, of course they did - but do I think I was entitled to all or any of it? Hell no - I was, and still am, grateful for it. Veterans of today should be grateful that although many citizens never supported the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, they have always supported us. We are so lucky not to be spit in the face by others upon our return or called "baby killers," like many of our dads, uncles or grandfathers were during the Vietnam era.

Someone saying that another does not support the troops because they do not support a war is like saying a conservative is racist because they do not agree with President Obama's policies. Both thoughts are completely inaccurate - and ignorant.

Does anyone owe us, (veterans), anything? Yep, our government owes us the benefits we have earned and hopefully in a timely manner.

So to all my fellow veterans, the next time someone tells you they never supported the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, don't get your panties in a bunch, or think they are un-American, or that they owe you their love. They don't owe you diddly squat - you volunteered remember. The next time someone thanks you for your service, thank them, and then buy them a drink because "thanks" should go both ways.

I Don't Get It

The clock has struck midnight, and here we are in the year 1984. My apologies, 2014. So much happened in 2013. Things were done and things were said. Now, I know I didn’t attend an Ivy League university or a top 25 institution even though, as a kid growing up bouncing between Rhode Island and Virginia, Brown University and the University of Virginia were in my backyards, but there were a few things my family and friends did or said that sprung up in 2013 that just didn’t make sense to me.

The first thing that didn’t make sense to me was the call for sanctions against Iran. The sanctions mean Iran cannot conduct global trade. It’s meant to punish them. The same people who called for these sanctions also called to “buy American” to help strengthen our economy. If buying locally strengthens an economy, then why are we helping Iran strengthen their economy with sanctions?

The next thing that baffled me was military members that were upset when ordinary people criticized them, the government, or the country, but mostly when the criticism was directed towards them. They would say things like, “Because of me, you have freedom speech; if you don’t like it, leave the country!” Some would even call for the destruction of the criticizer’s livelihood. Now, if you fight for and defend freedom of speech, why are you upset when it’s used? If you fight for and defend freedom of speech, do you get to control who says what? And if you do, then doesn’t that mean you control speech, therefore eliminating free speech? Do these military members, who stood with Phil Robertson, see the irony?

Finally, I was perplexed when I was called an isolationist. The ones who cast that word on me believe in “buy local” and border control. I’m for free trade and open borders; how am I the isolationist?

As you can see, I’m just sitting around scratching my head. I know shit won’t be easier in 1984, sorry, 2014, because more things will spring up. I guess I have to deal with it.

Rob and James' End-of-Year Review

Happy New Year bearders and beardettes! Hopefully you all survived last night, (a key indicator that you did, is you reading this right now). We wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your support of both this page, and our Beards of Fury (BoF) Facebook page. - so, thanks! BoF was started just this past September, and since then, this website has had over 12,500 views and our Facebook page, by word of mouth and the support of other great pages such as "The Elephant in the Room," and "The Society of Bearded Gentlemen," (to name a couple, but definitely not them all), has garnered almost 2,300 "Likes!"

Over the past several months our articles by Rob, James, Sergio, and Dave have run the gambit subject wise, and that's how we like it. Sometimes it may take a little longer to get a new article out, but unlike some other pages. we don't like to just produce swill.

Our articles have also helped us accomplish our goals of making people think, be made aware of what's going on, making people laugh, and on occasion - pissing off people from time to time, (James actually got banned for 12 hours from Facebook for one such article).

What follows are some stats and our favorite quotes, and comments, with our own responses!

Top 5 Read Articles:

5. "Choke Your Chicken, Not Yourself" (397 views) - Have you ever thought of giving yourself  a new sensation while rubbing one out? In this hilarious, yet informative article, Rob Faust tells us why you should never choke yourself while you stroke yourself!

4. "T2SDA - Highway Terrorists" (424 views) - Ah, yes, James Millman's favorite article he has written to date. Written soon after hearing about a group of truckers led by "General Lee," (and we still aren't sure if that name refers to the actual name of the group's leader, or the traitorous Confederate general),  looking to shut down America, and worse yet, the roads James and Rob take to get to work - this is the article that got James suspended from Facebook, and got idiots to try to put a few coherent sentences together in the "comment" section. In the end, they couldn't clog a toilet with all their bullshit, never mind the roads surrounding DC.

3. "Hemp, Hemp, Hooray - Legalize the Shit Today!" (566 views) - The one article we shared on Reddit that actually got some views, and made it to #2 in the "marijuana" section the first day, and stayed in the top 20 for a few days. James is still trying to think of something else that will give pot smokers the "reading munchies" again.

2. "Beards - The Keystone to Peace in Our Time" (683 views) - Rob and James teamed up in this comparison of people throughout history who have had beards, versus those who did not. Suffice to say, time and time again history has proven that the less facial hair a person has, the more evil they are. Now, some people did comment and try to point out "evil doers" who sported beards, and each time Rob and James proved them wrong. Furthermore, while there may have been a few bad eggs in the "bearded" category during the existence of humanity - the beardless section still has the biggest cocksucker in their corner, Adolf Hitler. Don't think the Holocaust existed? Feel free to goose step your anti-Semitic ass off this page.

1. "Who Determines Wages?" (1,477 views) - By far the most popular article on this site, this is a must read for anyone and everyone who has not read it. Sergio Leonard, the human "libertarian encyclopedia," educates us all on just who determines wages. This article can and should be used as a birthday, Chanukah, or Christmas present. Don't be afraid of learning something you may have not already learned, and check out this great piece!

Top 5 Viewer Countries:

5. Russia (323 views)
4. Canada (338 views)
3. China (350 views)
2. Ukraine (1,502 views),
1. United States (8,330 views)

Honorable mention: Kyrgyzstan, the UK, Malaysia, France, and Germany!

Top 10 Quotes From Our Articles (in no particular order):

1. "Now, go forth, knowing your Hulkamania retro, mesh half-shirt is not a failure, but a bad fashion choice." - Sergio Leonard

2. "I've been with a number of women that have wanted some light to heavy choke action during coitus and as a true gentleman I obliged." - Rob Faust

3. For the life of me, I cannot recall ever reading a news headline such as "Child Beaten to Death after Dad Smokes Weed," or "Husband Kills Wife for Not Enough Munchies in Pantry." - James Millman

4. "Any man caught wearing Crocs must forfeit his man card for up to one year, during which time he must adhere to a strict regimen of red meat, weight training and hardcore porn." - Rob Faust

5. "Having almost drowned once, I found the experience to be less than boner-worthy." - Rob Faust

6. "Until that happens, eh, fuck it - never mind." - Dave Deshawn Gosling

7. "Every time I see those jars of disgustingness in the jelly aisle, I can only think of the Spice Girls' song "2 Become 1," and if Baby Spice didn't turn me on singing about shagging someone, making peanut butter and jelly stew together in the same jar definitely won't." - James Millman

 8. "You're more likely to be ruled by Lord Licorice than live in a classless society." Rob Faust

9. "Beards could never have a bad name." - Beards of Fury

10. "No minimum wage law can change how you, the consumer, value a good or service, thus valuing one if the three factors of production, wages." - Sergio Leonard

The "Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt" awards go to:

1. "you fowl mouth pigs give beards a bad name." - Anonymous (BoF Responds: "We think you meant 'foul mouthed' there skippy, the only fowl here, is your chickenshit ass.")

2.  "they're haven't been 2 parties since 1776. that's a completely inaccurate & uneducated statement." - Timothy Brown (BoF Responds: "So, what do you call using the incorrect form of 'there,' using a number in place of a word, and not capitalizing the first word of a sentence man?")

3. "How dare you use education if one can add or read...wtf is your issue...Leave extra early and take the back ways into d.c." - Anonymous (BoF Responds: Yea, sorry about writing in complete sentences and words that possibly exceed three syllables. Furthermore, just as another reader commented, there are no back roads into DC, and even if there were, we wouldn't risk getting shot taking them.")

4. "I am a disabled Vietnam vet and I can guarantee this is not the country I fought for." - Anonymous (BoF Responds: "First off, this 'Anonymous,' is the same guy who provided us with the first quote in this section. Secondly,  unless he did not fight for the US during Vietnam, this is indeed the same country - or have our geography teachers been lying to us all these years?")

5. "I strongly feel your disrespect of hard working people who are suffering probably a lot more than you is wrong" - Anonymous (BoF Responds: "We actually agreed with several points the Truckers to Shutdown America' tried to make, we only despised their way of going about making them. Oh, and you forgot the "." at the end if your sentence, dumb ass.)

So, folks, there you have it - our "End of Year Review." What is great is that all this happened in a few short months, and we have all of 2014 to grow like Rip Van Winkle's beard! Thanks again for everything - stay tuned for updates to this page, our Facebook page and more great articles coming soon by the guys at BoF!

Beard on.

-James Millman and Rob Faust.