Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Rob and James' End-of-Year Review

Happy New Year bearders and beardettes! Hopefully you all survived last night, (a key indicator that you did, is you reading this right now). We wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your support of both this page, and our Beards of Fury (BoF) Facebook page. - so, thanks! BoF was started just this past September, and since then, this website has had over 12,500 views and our Facebook page, by word of mouth and the support of other great pages such as "The Elephant in the Room," and "The Society of Bearded Gentlemen," (to name a couple, but definitely not them all), has garnered almost 2,300 "Likes!"

Over the past several months our articles by Rob, James, Sergio, and Dave have run the gambit subject wise, and that's how we like it. Sometimes it may take a little longer to get a new article out, but unlike some other pages. we don't like to just produce swill.

Our articles have also helped us accomplish our goals of making people think, be made aware of what's going on, making people laugh, and on occasion - pissing off people from time to time, (James actually got banned for 12 hours from Facebook for one such article).

What follows are some stats and our favorite quotes, and comments, with our own responses!

Top 5 Read Articles:

5. "Choke Your Chicken, Not Yourself" (397 views) - Have you ever thought of giving yourself  a new sensation while rubbing one out? In this hilarious, yet informative article, Rob Faust tells us why you should never choke yourself while you stroke yourself!

4. "T2SDA - Highway Terrorists" (424 views) - Ah, yes, James Millman's favorite article he has written to date. Written soon after hearing about a group of truckers led by "General Lee," (and we still aren't sure if that name refers to the actual name of the group's leader, or the traitorous Confederate general),  looking to shut down America, and worse yet, the roads James and Rob take to get to work - this is the article that got James suspended from Facebook, and got idiots to try to put a few coherent sentences together in the "comment" section. In the end, they couldn't clog a toilet with all their bullshit, never mind the roads surrounding DC.

3. "Hemp, Hemp, Hooray - Legalize the Shit Today!" (566 views) - The one article we shared on Reddit that actually got some views, and made it to #2 in the "marijuana" section the first day, and stayed in the top 20 for a few days. James is still trying to think of something else that will give pot smokers the "reading munchies" again.

2. "Beards - The Keystone to Peace in Our Time" (683 views) - Rob and James teamed up in this comparison of people throughout history who have had beards, versus those who did not. Suffice to say, time and time again history has proven that the less facial hair a person has, the more evil they are. Now, some people did comment and try to point out "evil doers" who sported beards, and each time Rob and James proved them wrong. Furthermore, while there may have been a few bad eggs in the "bearded" category during the existence of humanity - the beardless section still has the biggest cocksucker in their corner, Adolf Hitler. Don't think the Holocaust existed? Feel free to goose step your anti-Semitic ass off this page.

1. "Who Determines Wages?" (1,477 views) - By far the most popular article on this site, this is a must read for anyone and everyone who has not read it. Sergio Leonard, the human "libertarian encyclopedia," educates us all on just who determines wages. This article can and should be used as a birthday, Chanukah, or Christmas present. Don't be afraid of learning something you may have not already learned, and check out this great piece!

Top 5 Viewer Countries:

5. Russia (323 views)
4. Canada (338 views)
3. China (350 views)
2. Ukraine (1,502 views),
1. United States (8,330 views)

Honorable mention: Kyrgyzstan, the UK, Malaysia, France, and Germany!

Top 10 Quotes From Our Articles (in no particular order):

1. "Now, go forth, knowing your Hulkamania retro, mesh half-shirt is not a failure, but a bad fashion choice." - Sergio Leonard

2. "I've been with a number of women that have wanted some light to heavy choke action during coitus and as a true gentleman I obliged." - Rob Faust

3. For the life of me, I cannot recall ever reading a news headline such as "Child Beaten to Death after Dad Smokes Weed," or "Husband Kills Wife for Not Enough Munchies in Pantry." - James Millman

4. "Any man caught wearing Crocs must forfeit his man card for up to one year, during which time he must adhere to a strict regimen of red meat, weight training and hardcore porn." - Rob Faust

5. "Having almost drowned once, I found the experience to be less than boner-worthy." - Rob Faust

6. "Until that happens, eh, fuck it - never mind." - Dave Deshawn Gosling

7. "Every time I see those jars of disgustingness in the jelly aisle, I can only think of the Spice Girls' song "2 Become 1," and if Baby Spice didn't turn me on singing about shagging someone, making peanut butter and jelly stew together in the same jar definitely won't." - James Millman

 8. "You're more likely to be ruled by Lord Licorice than live in a classless society." Rob Faust

9. "Beards could never have a bad name." - Beards of Fury

10. "No minimum wage law can change how you, the consumer, value a good or service, thus valuing one if the three factors of production, wages." - Sergio Leonard

The "Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt" awards go to:

1. "you fowl mouth pigs give beards a bad name." - Anonymous (BoF Responds: "We think you meant 'foul mouthed' there skippy, the only fowl here, is your chickenshit ass.")

2.  "they're haven't been 2 parties since 1776. that's a completely inaccurate & uneducated statement." - Timothy Brown (BoF Responds: "So, what do you call using the incorrect form of 'there,' using a number in place of a word, and not capitalizing the first word of a sentence man?")

3. "How dare you use education if one can add or is your issue...Leave extra early and take the back ways into d.c." - Anonymous (BoF Responds: Yea, sorry about writing in complete sentences and words that possibly exceed three syllables. Furthermore, just as another reader commented, there are no back roads into DC, and even if there were, we wouldn't risk getting shot taking them.")

4. "I am a disabled Vietnam vet and I can guarantee this is not the country I fought for." - Anonymous (BoF Responds: "First off, this 'Anonymous,' is the same guy who provided us with the first quote in this section. Secondly,  unless he did not fight for the US during Vietnam, this is indeed the same country - or have our geography teachers been lying to us all these years?")

5. "I strongly feel your disrespect of hard working people who are suffering probably a lot more than you is wrong" - Anonymous (BoF Responds: "We actually agreed with several points the Truckers to Shutdown America' tried to make, we only despised their way of going about making them. Oh, and you forgot the "." at the end if your sentence, dumb ass.)

So, folks, there you have it - our "End of Year Review." What is great is that all this happened in a few short months, and we have all of 2014 to grow like Rip Van Winkle's beard! Thanks again for everything - stay tuned for updates to this page, our Facebook page and more great articles coming soon by the guys at BoF!

Beard on.

-James Millman and Rob Faust.

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