Wisdom from Bearded Men Passed Down Through the Ages:
Learn it. Love it. Live it. GROW it.

  • Best part of Daylight Savings Time? Your beard has an extra hour to grow!
  • Q: What's worse, a ginger or a beardless "man?" A: Neither have souls, so they're even.
  • "Beardette" Definition: Woman supporter of beards, and specifically Beards of Fury.
  • Men shouldn't feel ashamed if they have a small penis - that shit happens. Men should feel ashamed if they cannot grow a beard - that's just embarrassing.
  • With a beard you are never alone - you are awesome.
  • The best part of waking up is not having Folgers in your cup - it's having a beard on your face.
  • Once you give your word, you must honor yourself - and your beard
  • A man's razor should be known as a"ball shaver," b/c that's what it should be used for.
  • Unlike some things - beards can be stroked anywhere, anytime.
  • Calling a goatee a beard is like calling a scooter a motorcycle.
  • When picking a terminal disease to get sympathy sex - don't choose AIDS.
  • Fishnet stockings make great gifts if your girlfriend has crabs.
  • Being fat and drinking Diet Coke doesn't make sense.
  • When googling Dick's Sporting Goods, don't just Google "Dick's."
  • "Twerking" does not mean "Tweeting while at work."
  • The "R" in "Gary Oldman" is very important when googling his name.
  • Never use exfoliating lotion as a lubricant.
  • Mankind may have originated from Africa - but all STDs come from Ohio.
  • Brain matter - the best thing ever to come out of Kurt Cobain.
  • God did not intend for all His children to have beards. To the "unchosen" -  He gave vaginas.
  • Goatees are not beards, they're goatees. 


  1. Literally none of these jokes are original.

    1. Well, Mr. Anonymous, learning to read which you may have mastered is only the first step - comprehension is another key element with literacy.

      Our “Bearded Wisdom” page, like the subtitle states is filled with “wisdom”, and we quote, “…passed down through the ages…” with the key words here being “wisdom, passed, and down.” The word “wisdom” can be associated with “knowledge”, as in something known. “Passed” in this sense means “handed” from one person to another and then “ages” means “over time”. So when you put all the shit together, breaking it down “Barney style,” you get “knowledge handed from one person to the next, over a period of time.

      Nowhere on the page do we say all of these are original jokes – but quite frankly, most of them are shit we just made up. So, go back to your little hobbit hole, play some WoW, and avoid communication with women at all costs. Please, whatever you do – do not breed.

    2. Oh, fuck you anonymous.

  2. "Being fat and drinking Diet Coke doesn't make sense."

    We've argued this one before. Some people genuinely prefer Diet Coke to regular. I can't even drink the regular stuff without wanting to puke.

    Also, show some friggin' respect for Kurt Cobain! If not for him, there would be no Arseface, and Weird Al never would have made this video:

    1. Taste is not the issue, fat people gorging themselves on whatever they want and then "balancing" it out with a Diet Coke - that is the issue at hand sir.

      No respect for a man who deserves no respect – Kurt Cobain was a piece of crap.

    2. Nice Preacher reference by the way.

  3. Hilarious blog! Keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you! We are happy you enjoy it - beard on!