The Good (aka Men with Beards):
- God - Always depicted with a beard, created mankind and everything else - He's awesome
- Jesus - Was the son of God, turned water into wine! -Definitely a good guy
- Moses - Freed the Israelites from Egypt, parted the Red Sea - A good man
- Generals Grant & Lee - Met at Appomattox Court House, made peace - Two good men
- Abraham Lincoln - Preserved the Union, freed the slaves - Awesome guy
- Zeus & Odin - Ancient gods, knew how to kick ass - Clearly good dudes
- Gandolf - Helped his furry footed friends defeat Sauron - A bitchin' wizard
- Merlin - Advised King Arthur, most likely told Arthur to grow a beard - Righteous
- Sean Connery - Best actor of all time, fights for Scottish independence - A great man
- Chuck Norris - Do you really need an explanation for this guy? - The man, the myth
The Bad (aka Men without Beards):
- Hitler - Had millions murdered, and ruined the Charlie Chaplin mustache - Piece of shit
- Sauron - Hates Gandalf, hobbits, dwarves, and elves, corrupted Sauroman - Really bad
- Jefferson Davis - Only had a goatee, (clearly jealous of Abe's beard) - Jerk face
- Julius Caesar - Enslaved his enemies, tried to conquer the world - Evil
- Nazis in General - Murderous monsters, followed Hitler - Dickheads
- 9-11 Hijackers - Flew planes into buildings, killing thousands, led us to two wars - Assholes
- Pretty Much Everyone in US Government - No beards, no clue, no balls - ALL PUSSIES
So, there you have it - an abbreviated comparison of good and evil throughout time. The "good" all have/had beards, while the roots of evil do/did not.
Maybe if we sit a few bearded representatives down with bearded Muslim and Jewish leaders. we could work out a real peace and not just fake smiles and clammy handshakes.
To the Nobel Prize committee: we await your announcement of our upcoming Nobel Peace Prize - Lord knows our plan for true peace is more than President Obama has come up with - that is, unless you consider supporting the overthrow of at least 3 world leaders peaceful.