Monday, February 24, 2014

Benefits for All, or Benefits for None



About two weeks ago a judge in Virginia, my current place of residence, ruled the state’s ban on gay marriage to be unconstitutional, and then immediately put an injunction on her own ruling due to probable appeals. While Rob and I have stated we don’t care what two consensual adults do with one another in the bedroom on our Facebook page, we have not written anything for the blog, so I thought I would stand atop my virtual soapbox and give you my two cents, which here, due to inflation it is really worth about a nickel.

When it comes to social issues, specifically ones dealing with issues concerning straights and gays, it is normally on religious grounds that people are not for gay marriages, gay adoptions, and gay (fill in the blank). So, to get the religious aspect out of the way first, I will be up front and say I am a Catholic who converted from the Baptist religion over 13 years ago. As a Catholic I support the Church’s opinion that marriage is a religious pact between a man, a woman and God. But you know what? When it comes to our government, religious beliefs should have no part when it comes to making laws. So why do they?

For those of you reading this who think states should be allowed to keep two men or two women from getting married, why is that? If you don’t think a gay marriage should be recognized, why should a state or our government recognize straight marriages? There is no reason, or excuse to recognize one, without recognizing the other, and vice versa.

Many believe that gay marriage is a civil right, and after thinking long and hard on this, I have to say that I agree that is it. Gay men and women can no more change their sexual preference than an African American their color, and the way I see it, we are about 50 years behind in helping the gay community get the rights it deserves.

Oh, you think gay marriage will destroy the sanctity of marriage? Bitch please, assholes like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Brittney Spears and Jason Alexander, Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra, Mario Lopez and Ali Landry, Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley, and Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock, and many more already did that.

The divorce rate in the US hovers around the 50% mark, so it’s not just the celebrities who are working hard to screw things up. So why then deny two loving people the right to get married? Who knows, maybe the divorce rate will go down, at least for a bit until gay couples find out marriage may not be all that it’s thought to be, (I will add though that my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary last year and they are as happy as can be, but sadly long, successful (they made me right?) marriages such as theirs are the exception to the rule nowadays).

Even still, the real reason two loving people should be able to get married is because everyone should have a right to get the same benefits straights are provided. Why should straights get benefits from the government if gays cannot? I say, if you want your state to be able to keep a ban on gay marriage, then straight couples should not be able to get benefits either. A husband should not be able to name his wife a beneficiary or name them their power of attorney in case of a medical emergency if a man cannot name his male partner the same.

Think states aren’t anti-gay? Well, did you know that 16 states still have anti-sodomy laws on their books, and two of them, Oklahoma and Texas, (go figure), specifically target the gay community? It was 17 a few weeks ago, with three states targeting gays specifically, however, the state of Kansas recently had their law thrown out, and I am very proud to say that a college friend of mine wrote the brief for the state arguing the law should be repealed. To read decision of the Court, go here: Kansas v. Franco.

This is a hot issue and quite frankly, if you disagree with me, I hope it pisses you off. We don’t beat around the bushes at Beards of Fury, we plow through them. There is no reason whatsoever from the standpoint of the federal or any state’s government that two consensual adults should not be able to get the same rights offered others.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Three Things My Mental Illness Has Taught Me about People without a Mental Illness

I guess the cat’s out of the bag (I wonder where that expression came from?). Some of you knew. Some of you may have suspected. Some you knew something just wasn’t quite right, but couldn’t put your finger on it. Having borderline personality disorder (BPD) isn’t exactly fun. In a nutshell, people with BPD “feel emotions more easily, more deeply, and for longer” than others; there are impulsive behaviors that vary between people with BPD (mine are reckless spending and alcohol abuse, just to name two); there’s also the fear of adornment and rejection; a feeling of emptiness; dissociation; and self-harm. Between the suicide attempts and failed relationships with friends, family, and significant others, I have learned at least three things about how others perceive me (and, of course, those with BPD and other mental illnesses).

One: Having BPD (or any other mental illness) is the only disease where you can get yelled at for having. If you learn a family member, friend, or significant other had cancer, odds are you wouldn’t yell at them and tell them to buck up. Not so with BPD. I’ve been yelled at numerous times, by people who know what I suffer from, to stop acting the way I do; I need to “suck it up,” and “get over it.” Here’s a newsflash: if I could “suck it up,” and “get over it,” I wouldn’t have a mental illness. Yes, everybody gets depressed; however, normal people can get over it, quickly. To skip all the science stuff, my brain is not “wired” like a normal person’s.

Two: People with BPD are manipulative, selfish, dicks. I’m just going to let Melissa Valliant, editor-in-chief of HellaWella, address this one. Go ahead Melissa.

“The idea that people suffering from BPD are selfish, manipulative jerks has probably evolved from those who have been hurt by loved ones with BPD. Recent studies have concluded that people with BPD either have a distorted sense of generally accepted social norms, or that they may not sense these norms at all, according to PsychCentral.com. This leads to behaving in ways that negatively impact trust and cooperation with others.

“BPD sufferers also have difficulty seeing gray areas and tend to perceive everything as black and white, good or bad — which, as you can imagine, causes challenges in communication. People in relationships with people with BPD often feel manipulated, taken advantage of or controlled due to such BPD-typical behavior as ‘threats, no-win situations, the “silent treatment,” rages and other methods [the non-BPD sufferer] views as unfair,’ according to BPDCentral.com.

“It’s important to understand that this is not intentional. BPD sufferers are often terrified of losing the loved ones in their lives; their irrational behavior is usually an act of desperation and impulsiveness stemming from the fear of abandonment. BPDCentral suggests it’s a ‘desperate attempt to cope with painful feelings or to get their needs met without the aim of harming others.’”

Three: It’s OK to label me as crazy and completely decide I should no longer be in your social circle. Now, really, who’s selfish? Ninety-nine percent of my “friends,” some of my family members, and others who fall into a different category of relationships, decided to do just what people with BPD fear: abandon them. Then have the nerve to say, “What’s his problem?” And they can totally blame it on “craziness.” No need to understand. It’s easier to just cut the cord. If I suffered from, say, testicular cancer, and these people did that, they would be the ones society looked down on. But, since I’m “crazy,” they made a good decision to keep me and my “negativity” out of their life, and, most likely, tell everybody how nuts I am, how selfish I am, how manipulative I am, and how much of an ass I am.

Are there more things I learned about people and how they view me? Of course. But, these are the three things I wanted to address. Now, I’m certain people will be upset at me for writing this, thinking I’m trying to do them harm; I’m not. Believe it or not, BPD, and other forms of depression, are quite common. Hell, you could have it and not know it, or somebody you now may have it. Or now you suspect they have it. What needs to happen is to have these myths and stereotypes debunked. I think that can only happen by talking about it. I wish I could “get over it,” and have a relationship where it doesn’t look like I’m treating the person “unfairly.” If it doesn’t get out there, you’ll have people end up like me: feeling worthless, empty, abandoned, never leaving your house and mixing with society because you know that, even though you don’t mean to, they think you’re hurting them and you just don’t want to do that to people.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Crapital City Traffic


It's not just bad decisions that come out of DC, it's also bad drivers.  Anybody that's driven in the Beltway knows what I'm talking about.  The Washington, DC metropolitan area has some of the worst drivers and worst traffic in the nation.  According to recent studies it actually tops the list for both.

In 2013, DC ranked at the bottom of All State's best drivers report for the sixth year in a row.  The likelihood of a DC driver getting into an accident is more than twice that of the national average.  Nearby Baltimore had the second worst drivers in the nation.  Since both DC and Baltimore drivers share some of the same roads, it makes for a dangerous concoction.  It's like trying to swim in a small pool with two of the worst swimmers in the world. They're going to thrash around and put everyone else at risk or at a minimum be a complete goddamn nuisance.  It should also be noted that though the DC area prides itself on its education systems and intellectual denizens, these same denizens scored the lowest in the country on the 2011 GMAC Insurance National Drivers Test with one in three drivers failing the test.  That's right, one in three DC drivers don't know what the hell they're doing behind the wheel.

Now that we've covered just how bad the drivers in DC are, let's get into how bad the traffic is.  It can best be described with one word, abysmal.  According to a study done by the Texas A&M Transportation Institute, Washington, DC has the worst commute in the country.  Now of course many LA drivers won't believe this because they believe all trends, including traffic, originated in California and New Yorkers won't believe it because they're stuck on believing that everything is bigger in NYC and that it's #1 in everything.  However the numbers are against our larger city friends, with DC drivers having an average of 67 hours annually in delay as opposed to 61 hours in LA and 59 hours in New York.  These numbers are probably due to the ill planned roads, speed limits so low they're designed for the cast of the Golden Girls (is Betty White the only one still living?) and the terrible drivers that lack the ability to drive under any adverse weather conditions.

Now I've compiled a list of terrible driving practices that are common in the DC area and what can be done about them.

1. Driving slow in the left lane.  If you want to drive at geriatric speeds, get your slow ass over to the right lane.  There is no reason the left lane should be moving at the same speed as the person to their right.  It's not meant for five under. As a matter of fact neither is the right lane since the posted speed limit is safe and LEGAL for you to travel at, so there is no reason to be below it if your car is functioning properly or there isn't a real weather hazard. GET YOUR ASSES MOVING.

2. Slowing down to merge.  It is absolutely possible to merge lanes without dropping 15mph.  It may seem like a daunting task but your car easily moves to the side while going at the same speed. Try it sometime.

3. Pulling out in front of traffic and going at a much slower speed.  It doesn't take a physicist to understand that if you pull out in front of someone going 55mph and you go 35mph they're either going to put their engine in your backseat or have to slam on their brakes.  Since you don't seem to be in much of a hurry anyway, how about just wait for them to pass then pull out.

4. Stopping on an on-ramp instead of just yielding.  Ok, so you've got a degree from Georgetown. That's great, now learn the definition of yield, dipshit.  If you need to get up to speed with the traffic on the highway, coming to a complete damn stop isn't your best option.

5. Cutting across three lanes to get to your next turn.  This one comes in two forms.  While traveling and while at a stop.  The "while traveling" can happen when some idiot realizes his exit to the right is about four car lengths away and he is been driving along in the left lane, probably 5mph below the limit, and he decides he needs to make that turn now and zips in front of three other cars.  Since he didn't check his blind-spots during this sweet maneuver, he either gets smashed by someone two lanes over or he causes them to break hard.  Sometimes these people try this while pulling out of a parking lot.  The other way this happens is from a stop.  An idiot in the left lane realizes "Oh I actually wanted to turn right at this stop" so he just cuts in front of everybody to make the right turn.  Often times he gets in the way of the intersection and traffic or just causes a complete nuisance for the guy who's turning right from the actual right-turn lane. Way to go, asshole! Next time pay attention to where you need to turn or take the next exit.

6. Hazards on during snow. This strange phenomenon where most of the people in the area can't drive with a drip of precipitation on the roads only gets worse when half of them put their hazards on.  It makes for a sea of flashing lights.  An epileptic's nightmare.  Oh you're experiencing snow? No shit, we all are! Now turn your stupid hazards off and just drive with caution.

7. Hazards on while on the cellphone.  I've seen this one a number of times and at first I thought maybe the people were calling AAA, which would make sense and be a totally acceptable behavior.  Then I'll notice them put the phone down, turn hazards off and drive at a normal speed.  Hazard lights aren't there for you to say "Time out from normal driving. I'm on the phone".  Put the phone down if you can't multitask and call after you reach your destination.  On the phone with a loved one?  Drive at a normal speed and you'll get to see them that much sooner.

8. Hazards on and parked in a fire lane.  Another hazards abuse? Seriously?  I've been all over the country and the DC area is the only one where people have an issue with parking in the actual parking spots of a lot.  Instead these lazy assholes pull up to the store in the fire lane, throw the hazards on and run inside.  The sign clearly says "No Parking Fire Lane" not "No Parking, Unless You're in a Hurry."  These idiots end up congesting the traffic going past the store.  You can easily pull your car the two feet away to the designated parking spots.  It's not far and that's what it's there for.  Those big yellow or white grids painted on the ground with conveniently sized sections are for your car, it's not from some graffiti artist with an obsession for grids tagging every parking lot in America.  Park your damn car in the right spot, asshole.

9. Slowing to below the speed limit when you see a cop.  Ever get pulled over and have the cop ask you "Why were you going the speed limit?" Me neither.  So why the F are you slowing down to below the limit when you see a cop?  You won't get pulled over for going 45mph in a 45mph zone.  That's like being afraid a cop is going to get you for shoplifting after he watches you purchase an item. Wouldn't make sense now would it?  The same goes for the speed limit but for some reason every waste of oxygen that sees a police car slams on his brakes and goes below the limit.  This especially goes for people slowing down when they see a cop on the other side of the highway.  You have multiple lanes of traffic and a concrete barrier between you and the cop so you're going to slam on your brakes?  Is he a goddamn Decepticon? Is his car going to sprout legs and leap over the concrete barrier to get to you?  No?  Then stop slamming on your brakes, genius.

10. Cyclists.  While I commend people for wanting to be healthy or green, I don't commend the way many of them take the amount of space that they do.  You're literally on the thinnest vehicle around yet you are all over the road half the time.  Most of the cyclists I've seen are rather skinny people so why do they insist on taking up room like they have the lats of a damn gorilla?  Stay on the edge of the road or in those designated bike lanes that the yuppy areas have built into their roads.  You're on a bike, don't act like you're in a monster truck.