Heigh-ho, the Derry-o, Chicago Farming Here I Go

 

The other night at work a friend told me something that I thought was a joke, Louis Farrakhan is a farmer, well, at least in the eyes of the government. I sat there waiting for the punch line, but alas, the real joke is on us, the tax payers, because Louis Farrakhan and 929 other entities in the city of Chicago are getting federal subsidies for their "farms." These so-called farms are not out in the areas surrounding the windy city...they are smack dab in the middle of the damned thing. Seriously, are you fucking kidding me Ghost Rider?

No, Ghost Rider is not kidding - he never kids.

After a quick search I found several articles about this, including one from The Blaze. According to a report titled "Farm Subsidies and the Bog Dogs," released by the government watchdog group Open the Books, and based on information and data received from the US Department of Agriculture and through the Freedom of Information Act, we really do have farms in Chicago! However, if you were to check out the addresses of the farms, you would find mansions and office buildings where dirt, vegetables and tractors are supposed to be. And how much has gone to these farms? Sadly, it isn't chicken feed. Between 2008 and 2011 our great government, which is now spying on us, forcing us to get health care and targeting those who speak out against its policies, has given fake farmers like Louis Farrakhan about $6.2 million.

I am stressing the fact that Louis Farrakhan, (Louie to me, because we are tight as George Michael's pants), is part of this because (1) his existence and what he has said over the years about people of the Jewish faith make me want to support abortion and (2) the farm his group, "Three Years Economic Savings, Inc., supposedly runs is at his home address where only hate grows...not corn. The piece of cow pie received almost $104,000 between 2008 and 2011. Out of the 930 groups that received farm subsidies in the city of Chicago, Farrakhan's group was the 12th highest recipient with almost $104,000 in government finding. Louie, where are my beets man?

The sad part about all of this is that the shitbags who are cheating the system are hurting real farmers with real problems, who could really use the money. Hopefully, now that this scam has come to light, it will be corrected. HA! I am sure Eric Holder is writing a very stern letter to Louie and company as we speak.

In the end, maybe the real reason I find myself extremely pissed off about this is not due to what I see as fraud committed by Louie and the 929 other groups, or the tax dollars wasted on them, but due to me not capitalizing on a great opportunity! Do you know how many peppers I have grown in tote boxes on the patio outside my apartment?  Probably more than Louie, so I have missed out on three years of government funding. Dammit!

However, perhaps all is not lost, and I can find an apartment rooftop in Chicago and start a farm that will rival Pepperidge Farm. Then Louie and I can go down to the local farmers market and sell our bullshit together!